Finally - Malaria

FINALLY!!!

I have been to Africa five times in my life and have spent nearly four years here, in a land which was once referred to as the White Man’s Graveyard, I have boarded over 140 airplanes on either getting ‘to’, going ‘from’ or going ‘around’ this huge continent and have never lost a bag or been high jacked or had to sleep in an airport; I have driven in the worst traffic imaginable and only had my bumper ‘bumped’ once and only had one policeman jump in my front seat and proceed to extract $20 from me if I wanted to ‘avoid going to jail’ (sneaking through a yellow light – yes, me and half of the rest of Africa); I have seen hundreds of lions and other of the ‘Big Five’ and the worst I can say has happened is one hungry mama cat bit a hole in my bumper; I have lived in a city where my home teacher packed a 16 shot pistol and told of his ‘shootout at the OK corral’ on his way to dinner but, I was never mugged, robbed or even saw one happen; I have traveled in over 25 countries on this continent, been inoculated for every disease listed on the ‘top ten that will kill you’ list and have been surrounded by Aids, Yellow Fever, poverty and ‘runny tummies’ but have not even been able to snare a bad case of the sniffles; I have been unable to catch, agitate or entice one of those mean ‘night mosquitoes’ (that Dr. Merrill warns all the missionaries about) to take a bite out of me ...

UNTIL NOW – I FINALLY GOT ONE TO BITE ME (never saw ‘him’ do it and never felt it, but he must have done it) AND I GOT MALARIA – I’m so proud of myself. I thought I would come home without any African Trophy for all my time and effort here. The only trouble is because of the ‘pills’ they make you take every day you can’t even ‘enjoy’ it once you get it. The lab pricks your finger and draws a little blood, charges you $4.00, confirms you ‘got’ it and then Sister Ritchie hands you a little box with six pills in it (two the first day and one each day for four more) and you are ‘cured’ (it’s not quite without side effects, but besides a few quick trips to the ‘porcelain’, a chill or two and losing a few pounds, it’s not worth getting it if you are looking for someone to spend days at your bedside wiping your brow or pampering you) - no last rites, no sympathy cards, no days off from work, a few look at you with that ‘I’m sorry’ look but the next minute they are eating their pile of rice and have totally forgotten that you are ‘sick’ and should be given attention!

I want everyone to know that I was very very sick and I hope all of you that are reading this are telling everyone that Jim, brother Ritchie (or Dad if you are one of the chosen few) got Malaria which is still among the top two or three killers in Africa and as such it was a very close call and only by a series of miracles and special healing potients administered by specially trained Medicine Men and some intercession from beyond the veil is he alive; that’s the version I want told in church and on as many prayer rolls in as many temples as this email reaches - after all it is all I have for my four years in Africa and without it what would I tell at my homecoming?

I can feel my strength beginning to ebb and I feel too ill to continue - hope I pull through, if not...

PS Be sure and spell Malaria correctly for the obituary...I would hate it to read ‘of unknown causes’ or ‘’events incidence to age’ or some other non sympathetic epitaph.

fading fast....